Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
