Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
