Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I wear drunk well.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
