I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
