A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
