playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
