i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize