drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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