why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
