We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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