Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
