yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
