Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize