where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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