i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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