My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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