He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
