Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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