Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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