I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
