it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
