I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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