I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize