my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
