even my farts smell like vagina
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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