In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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