If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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