I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
