and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
