dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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