Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
