do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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