hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
