If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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