Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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