so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
