I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When did angry sex become our thing?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
