i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
