i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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