You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
