whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
