Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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