Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
