Three words: puerto rican gang bang
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
