dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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