he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize