you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
