guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
