Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
