sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
40s are totally the cure
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
