Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
