Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
