Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Girls should come with a carfax report
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
