OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
smell my finger.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
