I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
