If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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