So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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