i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
