he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
