Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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