nut hugger
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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