Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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