Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
