I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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