Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
