You're completely useless in the revolution.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
