FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
