THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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