you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
