i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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