I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
