Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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