So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
