Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
