You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
