Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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