Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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