Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
