You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
