We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
